Chief Wiggum

"The courts might not work, but the police sure do."

"This isn't just your average everyday kind of darkness. This is ADVANCED darkness."

"You gotta admit, the house is filled with the sweet smell of success."

"I have zero respect for you. You know what? I respect you even less now."

"Gentlemen, we're gonna go back to the past!"

"I went to the police academy. It took three months and they even let me graduate."

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

"Lemme just lean against this wall here... for all eternity."

"I've always wanted to pretend I was an evil man."

"The possibility of physical change frightens me."

"Mmm... a shotgun."

"That's funny, I don't remember granting the right to trial."

"No, no, the boatmurdered thing was a whole other deal."

"Quiet, you! Let a man relish his sandwich."

"I'm just gonna go find a bathroom and wait for my courage to come back."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

"Remember, you can't be too careful with fire. It can kill you."

"I'd like to be reincarnated as an foreman."

"Eject the guy, he's dragging us down!"

"I'm gonna shoot this guy. I mean, hello, he's a guy!"

"Attention, attention. This is not a test."

"Teamwork! That's what made me chief."

"You better start believing in ghosts, because you're in one!"

"Ooh, my car! It's pinned under a couple of rocks!"

"I just sent out for Chinese and I was very rude."

"Release the hounds!"

"Ow! I've been shot. Which is not good for me."

"That's the last straw! Well, not literally, that would be weird."

"We can all learn something from a tree. Sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue."

"I know a liar when I see one. I'm from Springfield."