Edna Krabappel

"Family is blood, but friends are choice—and I choose bars."

"Hope is for people who haven't lived long enough."

"Courage is just stupidity dressed up nicely."

"Change is inevitable, unfortunately."

"Education is wasted on the young because they remember it."

"Knowledge is power, but wine is better."

"Time is a construct designed to make you miserable."

"Truth is subjective, especially on Mondays."

"Freedom costs nothing until you actually want it."

"Peace is what you get between crises."

"Nature is lovely from a distance, preferably through a window."

"Art imitates life, which is why most of it is disappointing."

"Science explains everything except why I'm still here."

"Music soothes the savage breast and the savage teacher."

"Faith is believing without evidence, like my students' potential."

"Leadership is delegating problems to people beneath you."

"Work is a four-letter word I won't repeat in class."

"Dreams are the brain's way of wasting your sleep."

"Humor is the only honest art form left."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, usually after drinks."

"Death might be preferable to parent-teacher night."

"Perseverance is just refusing to quit, which I do regularly."

"Gratitude is appreciating the small things, like early dismissal."

"Creativity is knowing how to fake enthusiasm."

"Justice is a myth, like Santa and tenure."

"Patience is a virtue I abandoned years ago."

"Kindness is overrated in a competitive world."

"Strength is hiding your problems from others."

"Fear is the only thing that keeps you honest."

"Power is an illusion, like teacher appreciation."