Edna Krabappel

"I'm politically engaged only when it affects my salary."

"War is what happens when you put 30 kids in a small room."

"I've been teaching long enough to know that the only thing worse than a student who doesn't pay attention is a student who actually does."

"Life is what happens when you're too tired to make other plans."

"Love is just a word people use to justify their poor decisions."

"The key to wisdom is knowing when to pour another drink."

"Happiness is a warm martini and no parent-teacher conferences."

"Success is measured in happy hours survived, not promotions earned."

"A true friend is someone who doesn't judge you for your third cocktail before noon."

"Family is what you're stuck with; friends are what you choose at a bar."

"Hope is what kills you slowly, one day at a time."

"Courage is just fear with better timing."

"Change is the only constant, especially in my love life."

"Education is wasted on people who actually have to use it."

"Knowledge without a drink to celebrate it is just depressing."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're teaching."

"The truth is usually less interesting than a good lie."

"Freedom is just another word for avoiding responsibility."

"Peace is what you get when everyone's asleep."

"Nature is beautiful until you have to grade papers about it."

"Art is expression, which is why I paint on my walls with wine."

"Science is just a fancy way of explaining why my relationships fail."

"Music is the only thing that makes fourth period tolerable."

"Faith is believing things will get better, even when they never do."

"Leadership means being the first one to leave the meeting."

"Work is what you do to afford the drinking you do to forget about work."

"Dreams are just lies your brain tells you while you sleep."

"Humor is the best medicine, second only to actual medicine."

"Beauty fades, but a good cocktail never loses its appeal."

"Death is just the ultimate parent-teacher conference cancellation."