George Burns

"I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better"

"Gracie and I were a team in every way possible"

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old"

"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything you need to know. Except why"

"Living is like lovemaking. If you do too much thinking, you're gonna mess up"

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have them close together."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory."

"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than excel at something I find utterly boring."

"When I was young, I kissed my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since."

"The most important thing in life is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you can fake anything."

"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."

"If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again."

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples."

"Age is no barrier. It's a limitation you put on your mind."

"Life is just a bowl of pits."

"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age, I have to hold on to something."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."

"The key to success is showing up."

"I'd walk a mile for a Camel, but I'd die for a good cigar."

"People want to know why I do this, why I write, why I sing, why I act. Because I have to. Because I'm alive and I have to do these things."

"When I started out, nobody gave me a hand. I had to work for everything."

"The number one way to stop an unwanted kiss is to bite the person."

"My advice is, if you want to be a writer, be a writer right now."

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might end up someplace else."

"The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it."

"The most important thing in an actor's life is sincerity. And if you can fake that, you've got it all."

"I'd rather be a failure doing something I love than a success doing something I hate."