George Carlin

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky."

"Some people see things that are and ask, why. I see things that never were and ask, why not? But I'm on drugs."

"The table is tilted folks. The game is rigged. Nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care."

"Rights aren't rights if someone can take them away. They're privileges."

"I would never want to live somewhere that had a climate."

"We're so self-important, so absolutely convinced of the importance of what we do."

"The planet has been through a lot worse than us and has always recovered."

"You're taught that it's all right to be an individual, as long as you're an individual in exactly the same way as everyone else."

"War is rarely about morality. It's usually about money and power and control."

"Frogs have a nice life I think. Sitting on a lily pad smoking some bugs, just relaxing."

"The more things you own, the more they own you."

"Perpetual amusement and distraction is the best way to keep people docile and obedient."

"You have to be asleep to believe in the American Dream."

"I respect people who think. I don't respect people who don't think."

"Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist."

"The only person I'm going to worry about is me. Screw the rest of you."

"Nowadays, no one talks to each other, now they just email, don't they."

"Atheism is a religion. Just a bad one. Nothing to do and nowhere to go."

"There are people in power who don't want you to think about things."

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My position is that churches should not be involved in politics."

"The death penalty: them without the capital get the punishment."

"People who see life one way, they don't see it the other way. They just see one thing."

"That's the problem with people: they don't like to think, and it makes them very nervous."

"Electricity is just organized lightning."

"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."

"We think we're so great because we developed a way to decapitate each other with a machine gun."

"All the stuff you like has been tested by the government to make sure it doesn't work."

"It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."

"I'm glad I'm not young anymore. I don't have the energy for all that anger."

"Forget about saving the world. I'm trying to save myself."