Gilbert Gottfried

"Imagination is where all good things start."

"Technology will eventually replace us all."

"History is written by the winners."

"Philosophy is thinking about things nobody cares about."

"Literature is lying for a good cause."

"Politics is how we hurt each other legally."

"War is what happens when diplomacy fails."

"Motivation is temporary, like everything else."

"Inspiration is what you need when talent fails."

"Relationships are chaos with occasional joy."

"Solitude is peace disguised as loneliness."

"I'm not a method actor. I'm just a guy who talks in a funny voice."

"The key to life is finding something you love and doing it badly until you get better."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you're laughing at your own jokes—then you're just delusional."

"If you don't fail, you're not trying hard enough to succeed."

"My voice is a gift, whether people want it or not."

"The world needs more people who aren't afraid to be annoying."

"Success is like a relationship—the more you care about it, the worse it usually goes."

"Comedy is the ability to make people laugh when they want to cry."

"Fear is just another audience member who hasn't laughed yet."

"Life is too short to take your voice seriously."

"Wisdom is knowing when to shut up, but I'll never figure that out."

"The greatest gift you can give someone is making them laugh despite everything."

"Change is inevitable, especially when you keep annoying people."

"True friendship means tolerating someone's voice for decades."

"Dreams are what you chase when you can't make people laugh awake."

"Perseverance is doing the same annoying thing over and over until people accept it."

"Art is whatever gets a reaction, even if it's disgust."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're listening to my impression."

"Gratitude is appreciating those who laugh with you, not at you."