Gilbert Gottfried

"Dreams are just your brain's way of keeping you entertained while you sleep."

"Humor is the distance between where things are and where they should be."

"Beauty fades, but a good voice acting role is forever."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with good PR."

"Gratitude is nice when people remember to show it."

"Creativity is just copying things you like until it's unrecognizable."

"Justice is what people want when they're wronged, revenge when they're right."

"Patience is what you need when you're not very good at waiting."

"Kindness is often just fear of confrontation."

"Strength is knowing when to shut up and when to be loud."

"Fear keeps you alive, or at least keeps you entertained."

"Power is the ability to make other people listen to you."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a better class of problems."

"Health is a state of mind, or at least that's what I tell myself."

"Adventure is just chaos with good stories afterward."

"Imagination is what separates humans from machines, and some humans."

"Technology is progress until it stops working."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme, badly."

"Philosophy is asking questions no one wants answered."

"Literature is thoughts that someone bothered to write down."

"Politics is comedy with consequences."

"War is what happens when people get tired of talking."

"Motivation is temporary, like most good things."

"Inspiration strikes when you're busy doing something else."

"Relationships are just practice for learning to compromise."

"Solitude is what you call loneliness when you choose it."

"The best part of life is the bits nobody plans for."

"Love makes you do stupid things, and that's the point."

"Wisdom is knowing what you don't know, and not admitting it."

"Happiness is just sadness taking a vacation."