Groucho Marx

"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"Every man thinks he's the victim of other people's ambitions."

"I have six locks on my door all allegedly for the same key."

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."

"Take two turkeys, one for you and one for me. Who wants a single turkey?"

"A man who fails to plan is planning to fail."

"I was wonderful once. I could still be."

"More power than wisdom is always dangerous."

"She has the figure of a woman and the mind of a man. What a terrible waste!"

"You know, I find that the truth is always an insult to begin with."

"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."

"The fact is that people are good. If you leave them alone."

"Either way I'm getting a wife. Either way I'm getting a wife."

"A man's only as old as the woman he cheats with."

"By the time you say you're his, shivering and sighing, he'll sigh like you, and cry like you, and die like you."

"I want to live forever or die trying."

"There's nothing like fresh air and good company to lift the spirits."

"A man should always be well-dressed. You never know when you'll be dead."

"I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are."

"Never underestimate the power of good friends. They can talk you out of anything."

"The society that loses its greed has lost the essential ingredient of progress."

"Each morning when I wake up and see the sunrise, I die a little inside."

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"Whatever it is, I'm against it."

"I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."