Krusty the Clown

"Adventure? My whole life is an adventure in staying afloat."

"Imagination is what separates a good clown from a great con artist."

"Technology is great until it replaces me."

"History shows that clowns are timeless. Also timeless? My debts."

"Philosophy is thinking too hard. Just perform."

"Literature? I can't even read my own contracts."

"Politics? I'm a registered whatever gets me votes."

"War is bad for ratings, but good for emergency broadcasts."

"Motivation? I'm motivated by the bank calling."

"Inspiration strikes when the audience laughs."

"Relationships are complicated. Money is simple."

"Solitude is just unemployment with delusions of grandeur."

"A joke that lands is worth a thousand words."

"The show must go on, especially if you're behind on rent."

"Laughter is the sound of success, or at least temporary success."

"Every audience is my family, and I'm here to take their money."

"Love at first sight? I call it 'market penetration.'"

"Never give up, unless the ratings are really bad."

"A true friend is someone who laughs at your worst material."

"The meaning of life? Box office receipts."

"Happiness is a warm audience and a cold drink."

"My hope is eternal: that tomorrow's show will sell out."

"It takes courage to bomb in front of thousands."

"Change is just another way to keep the audience guessing."

"I went to the school of hard knocks and dropped out."

"The more you know, the less you can claim as artistic license."

"Time is money, and I'm running out of both."

"The truth will set you free, but it'll kill your career first."

"Freedom is doing whatever I want as long as it's profitable."

"Inner peace is a myth created by people without careers."