Krusty the Clown

"Nature is green. Green is money. I like green."

"Art imitates life, and I imitate a successful clown."

"Science? I'm a science experiment in survival."

"Music is just noise that people paid to hear."

"Faith is believing your agent when he says the check is coming."

"Great leaders know when to abandon ship for a better offer."

"Work is a four-letter word, and so is 'quit.'"

"My dreams are in syndication and in high definition."

"A day without humor is a day without ka-ching."

"Beauty fades, but money photographs well."

"Death and taxes are the only certainties. And cancellation."

"Perseverance got me here; stubbornness will keep me here."

"I'm grateful for low expectations."

"Creativity is the art of reinvention before anyone notices you're over."

"Justice is whatever verdict I can afford."

"Patience is for waiting rooms and people in TV Guide."

"Kindness is a luxury clowns can't afford."

"My strength is my ability to take a punch, literally and figuratively."

"Fear keeps you young. Fear of poverty especially."

"Power is knowing people will laugh even when you're not funny."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy airtime."

"Health is wealth unless you're in show business."

"Every day is an adventure when you're living on borrowed time."

"Imagination makes the difference between a clown and a legend."

"Technology will never replace the human touch, or so I hope."

"History will remember me as a clown. I'm okay with that."

"Philosophy is beautiful, but it doesn't pay the bills."

"I read one book once. It was an accounting textbook."

"Politics is just clowning with votes."

"War creates ratings. Peace creates reruns."