Krusty the Clown

"Courage is what you need when you're bombing in front of five hundred people."

"The only constant in show business is change... and debt."

"Education is important, which is why I dropped out and became rich!"

"Knowledge is power, but fame is a better investment!"

"Every moment not spent making money is a moment wasted!"

"The truth will set you free - free from sponsors and high ratings!"

"Freedom is doing whatever I want without the censors shutting me down... so far."

"Peace is for people without my level of chaotic energy!"

"Nature is nice to look at, but it doesn't have a merchandise line."

"Art is subjective - my art just happens to pay my bar bills!"

"Science is for the nerds who couldn't make people laugh if they tried!"

"Music and comedy - the only two things that matter, besides money."

"Faith in what? The ratings? That's all the faith I need!"

"A leader eats first, takes the best dressing room, and blames the writers!"

"Work hard, party harder, and always have a good accountant!"

"My dreams are colorful, mostly in shades of green with dollar signs."

"Beauty fades, but a well-timed gag is eternal!"

"Everybody dies, kid - I'm just making sure I go out laughing!"

"Perseverance means bombing every night until you finally kill it!"

"I'm grateful for my fans - they're the only reason I still have a job!"

"Creativity is stealing from the best and making it worse... I mean, better!"

"Justice is best served with a sharp punchline and a rim shot!"

"Patient? I don't have time to be patient - there's money to be made!"

"Kindness is fine, but business is business, pal!"

"My strength comes from three things: makeup, pratfalls, and spite!"

"Fear of failure? That's what keeps me drinking at night!"

"Power is having people return your calls within the hour!"

"Money isn't everything, but it's definitely in the top... everything!"

"Health insurance is a racket - I just hire a personal doctor and write it off!"

"Adventure is fine as long as the network's insurance covers it!"