Malory Archer

"Change is what happens to people too weak to fight it."

"Education is what you get when you can't afford a tutor."

"Patience is a virtue for people with no options."

"Kindness is just weakness people are too polite to mention."

"Strength is knowing when to hurt people."

"Fear keeps you alive. Ignore it at your peril."

"Power is the only thing worth having."

"Money buys everything. Including people."

"Health is just slow dying."

"Adventure is just problems in a new location."

"Imagination is overrated."

"Technology will be the death of us."

"History repeats because people are idiots."

"Philosophy is pretentious nonsense."

"Literature is words on paper. Nothing more."

"Politics: where the worst people make the rules."

"War is just diplomacy with explosions."

"Motivation is fear wearing a suit."

"Inspiration is a myth."

"Relationships are disasters in slow motion."

"Solitude beats bad company every time."

"I'm the best at everything I do. That's not ego. That's fact."

"I'm drunk."

"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."

"I don't want to go to your funeral, but I'd love to send flowers."

"Sarcasm is just one more service I provide."

"Cyril, you are the worst secret agent ever."

"I raised you better than that."

"Call me."

"Jesus, I've got to start drinking earlier."