Malory Archer

"Inspiration is something you give yourself or you're weak."

"Relationships are contracts written in disappointment."

"Solitude is preferable to bad company."

"I don't need friends. I have employees."

"Adventure is just another word for catastrophe."

"Imagination is the first step to delusion."

"Art is worthless unless someone pays for it."

"Science is just organized guessing."

"Music is noise with a beat."

"Faith is for people without facts."

"Nature is an inconvenience."

"Health is something you buy from a doctor."

"Freedom is just another word for no budget."

"I've been through worse wars than you can imagine."

"If you're happy, you're not paying attention."

"You're all fired. Except you're not because I need you."

"I raised you to be better. I failed."

"Money solves problems. Poverty creates them."

"Truth is what I decide it is."

"Wisdom is just experience you didn't want."

"Knowledge is only useful if you use it."

"Time is the one thing you can't buy more of."

"Life is a series of increasingly bad decisions."

"Love is weakness in emotional form."

"Happiness is a delusion of the weak."

"Success requires sacrificing everyone around you."

"Friends stab you in the back. Employees at least bill for it."

"Family is an accident of birth you can't escape."

"Hope is the first step to disappointment."

"Courage is just stupidity you can live with."