Moe Szyslak

"War is peace if you don't think about it too hard."

"Motivation is what you need when you're lazy."

"Inspiration is for people with hope."

"Relationships are like bars—complicated and expensive."

"Solitude beats people any day of the week."

"You can't buy friends, but you can rent 'em."

"Family's the people you're stuck with."

"Courage is just stupidity with confidence."

"The best things in life are behind the bar."

"Wisdom is knowing what you don't know, which is everything."

"Love is an illusion they invented to sell greeting cards."

"Happiness is temporary; misery is permanent."

"Success is what happens to other people."

"Friends are just enemies you haven't had a fight with yet."

"Family is a four-letter word, and I can think of others."

"Hope is a cruel mistress."

"Courage is for people with nothing to lose."

"Change? The only thing that changes is the jukebox."

"Education? I went to the school of hard knocks."

"Knowledge is a burden."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

"Truth hurts, so I avoid it."

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."

"Peace of mind costs extra."

"Nature's beautiful until it rains on your day off."

"Art is subjective, like my bartending."

"Science is just guessing with numbers."

"Music is the universal language I don't speak."

"Faith is believing without evidence, which I do daily."

"Leadership is just yelling louder than everyone else."