Moe Szyslak

"Freedom is overrated when you're broke."

"Peace is just the absence of pain."

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever."

"Time flies when you're drowning your sorrows."

"Knowledge is power, but I'm fine with being powerless."

"Education's a racket, trust me."

"Art is whatever doesn't sell."

"Science? That's for eggheads and nerds."

"Music soothes the savage beast, but not my customers."

"Leadership is when people do what you say without questioning it."

"Success is just failure with better marketing."

"Happiness is a beer away."

"Death is the only thing cheaper than my whiskey."

"Gratitude is for people with something to be grateful for."

"Creativity is just stealing from people you admire."

"Justice is nine-tenths perception."

"Patience is a virtue I never had."

"Kindness is weakness dressed up nice."

"Strength comes from knowing when to give up."

"Fear keeps you honest, or at least keeps you awake."

"Power corrupts, but it sure feels good."

"Money is the root of all good, I'm pretty sure."

"Health is overrated. I've been sick for twenty years."

"Adventure is just another word for trouble."

"Imagination is what fills the gap between dreams and reality."

"Technology ruins everything it touches."

"History repeats itself, and I was there for all of it."

"Philosophy is just fancy talk for complaining."

"Literature is what you read when there's nothing on TV."

"Politics? Don't get me started."