Peter Griffin

"Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them."

"I'm not gonna say I told you so, but... I told you so."

"You know what the problem with society is? Too many people."

"I don't know what you're saying, but you're right."

"That's the beauty of marriage - you can say anything and get away with it."

"My father always said, 'Peter, shut up.' And he was right."

"I think I know what the problem is. But I'm not gonna tell you."

"The secret to happiness is not thinking too much."

"I've done it! I've become a man!"

"You know what? I don't care anymore. I'm gonna do what makes me happy."

"It's not about the money. Well, okay, it's about the money."

"I have an idea that's so crazy it just might work!"

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks, which is why I'm still stupid."

"Persistence is key, which is why I keep doing the same thing over and over."

"True friendship means you can call them an idiot and they'll still like you."

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

"I love Lois with all my heart, even when she's mad at me."

"Family is everything, even when they drive you crazy."

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... or something like that."

"I believe in second chances, third chances, fourth chances..."

"Real power is knowing when to shut up. I'm not good at that."

"Health is important, which is why I'm gonna have another beer."

"Adventure is out there, but I'm gonna stay home."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Too bad I have neither."

"Technology is great until it breaks and you don't understand it."

"History repeats itself, which is why I keep making the same mistakes."

"War is terrible. Mostly because it's far away and I can't watch it properly."

"Music makes the world go 'round. Or maybe it's physics."

"Art is whatever makes you feel something. This beer makes me feel stuff."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have."