Ralph Wiggum

"I'm a four-umpire baseball!"

"Stupid Flanders!"

"That's where I wanted to be."

"I'm going to be President of the United States. Ay caramba!"

"I have dreams where Marge says things like 'finish your vegetables.'"

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of there."

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

"You're just jealous because I'm young and popular."

"I'm going to learn what you're teaching, wrong."

"It tastes like burning."

"I see you've played knifey-spooney before."

"Do you want to have the fire NET IN the car? Because that's how you get the fire net IN the car."

"My mommy says that babies are made when an angel lights its hair on fire."

"I'm going to miss you, Lisa."

"The winner gets to decide how to spend the money."

"I found your cat. Can I have a dollar?"

"Back and to the left... back and to the left."

"I love all twenty-four of the Simpsons."

"My heart says maybe."

"I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it."

"I just realized, I have yet to meet a woman who could outsmart a bullet."

"The walls are made of asbestos."

"You cut me deep, Bart."

"I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells."

"Band camp is when you go to band... at camp."

"Principal Seymour has a rapist's laugh."

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"

"I'm the bus driver now!"

"My dog's got a brand new bag."

"The doctor said I needed braces on my liver."