Toby Flenderson

"This company would fall apart without me."

"I've made my peace with irrelevance."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"As a former HR manager, I know that the key to productivity is fear."

"Nobody likes me. Why does everybody hate me?"

"You know what? I have visited every bookstore, library, and coffee shop within a 50-mile radius, and I am not one of those people."

"The worst thing about prison would be the dementors."

"I'm a student of human nature."

"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' If they would, I do not do that thing."

"One day, we're going to look back and say, 'Remember Toby?'"

"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."

"Somehow, I manage to make every situation worse."

"Being the office HR person is like being the grim reaper."

"I'm not a bad guy. I'm just a guy."

"Nobody understands my job."

"I have to do the things that make me happy."

"You know what the thing about life is? It's not really about achievements. It's about the people you meet along the way."

"Sometimes you just have to accept who you are."

"I'm not trying to be creepy. I'm just trying to understand people."

"Rules are there to be... followed."

"Everybody's got demons."

"I'm actually a very interesting person."

"Why does everyone always blame me for everything?"

"I think people appreciate structure in the workplace."

"Human resources? More like human resources for my pain."

"I don't understand why I'm not liked."

"The secret to happiness is just accepting your role in life."

"I've been in love once. It was terrible."

"People don't change. They just get worse at hiding who they are."

"Success is not about being the best. It's about not being fired."