Tracy Jordan

"Work is what you do for money. I work for glory."

"Dreams are free. My dreams are worth millions."

"Humor is perspective. My perspective is hilarious."

"Beauty is subjective. But I'm universally beautiful."

"Death is nature's way of saying hello. I say goodbye better."

"Perseverance is never quitting. I never quit. I win."

"Gratitude opens doors. My face opens doors faster."

"Creativity is making something from nothing. I make everything better."

"Justice should be blind, but it sees me just fine."

"Patience builds character. My character is already built."

"Kindness is its own reward. So is money."

"Strength is what you do when life pushes you. I push back harder."

"Fear is the mind-killer. My mind is fearless."

"Power corrupts. I'm already corrupt with power."

"Money talks. Mine sings opera."

"Health is precious. So is my time to discuss it."

"Adventure is out there. And I'm leading it."

"Imagination makes us human. I'm superhuman."

"Technology is the future. I'm the now."

"History will remember me. I'm making sure of it."

"I'm Tracy Jordan. You might know me from such films as 'Who Dat Ninja?' and 'The Licioius Sausage.'"

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a jet ski. Have you ever seen someone frowning on a jet ski?"

"I believe in equality for everyone. Except reporters and people who eat in the bathroom."

"The most important thing in life is family. Well, family and television."

"You can't fight change. You can only ride it like a mechanical bull at a county fair."

"Success is not about how much money you make. It's about making people laugh and feel good."

"I learned a long time ago that you can't control other people, but you can control yourself."

"Fear is just another word for opportunity dressed in a scary costume."

"The secret to happiness is appreciating what you have right now, not what you might have tomorrow."

"A real friend is someone who will help you bury a body. No questions asked."