Bob's Burgers

"Health is a lie we tell ourselves to feel better about eating badly."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy the things to write about when you're sad."

"Power lies in your ability to make people feel something."

"Fear is just opportunity that hasn't happened yet."

"I'm not weak, I'm just emotionally intelligent to a point of dysfunction."

"Kind people scare me because I don't trust that they're being genuine."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have and probably never will."

"I'm a hopeless romantic who writes about hopeless situations."

"The universe has a plan, and hopefully it's better than mine."

"I'm not broken, I'm just deeply feeling."

"Success is when people can't ignore you anymore."

"I don't want to be average, I want to be legendarily weird."

"The truth is messy, complicated, and requires a lot of interpretation."

"Time is meaningless, except when you're waiting for something important."

"I'm collecting experiences for my future memoir."

"Sometimes you just need to scream into the void and hope it screams back."

"I don't know what I want to be, but I know what I don't want to be: like you."

"The only constant in life is change, disappointment, and my love for writing."

"I'm not mad, I'm just... emotionally expressing myself."

"People like you make people like me write angry fiction."

"My greatest fear is not being remembered, so I'm unforgettable even if it's for bad reasons."

"I don't believe in luck, I believe in heavily detailed planning and obsession."

"The best time to be yourself is when everyone else is trying to be normal."

"I'm going to write myself into a better life."

"Growing up is the worst because you realize you have to keep doing it."

"I would die for my friends, but I'd prefer not to."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I behold a lot."

"I'm not clingy, I'm committed to my obsessions."

"School dances are just organized suffering."

"The greatest love story ever told is the one between me and my fantasies."