BoJack Horseman

"War is what happens when people stop pretending to like each other."

"Politics is a dirty game, but at least it's entertainment."

"Literature teaches you nothing practical, which is why I never read."

"Philosophy is just expensive thinking."

"History is written by the winners, and I've never been a winner."

"Technology makes life easier, which is why I'm more miserable than ever."

"Imagination is what keeps you from accepting reality."

"Adventure is just getting lost with confidence."

"Health is what you have before someone tells you what's wrong."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it buys a good illusion of it."

"Power corrupts, which is why I've stayed pretty decent—no power."

"Fear is just respect with better marketing."

"Strength is pretending you're fine when you're falling apart."

"Kindness is a nice gesture that nobody remembers."

"Patience is for people who don't have anything better to do."

"Justice is whatever the guy with more money wants it to be."

"Creativity is 10% inspiration and 90% theft from better artists."

"Gratitude is what you feel when things aren't as bad as they could be."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better PR."

"Death is the only guarantee we have, besides taxes and being forgotten."

"Beauty fades, but mediocrity is forever."

"Dreams are just lies your brain tells you when you're asleep."

"Work is what you do to afford the things you don't have time to enjoy."

"Leadership is just getting other people to do what you want."

"Faith is believing in something you can't see, like my career comeback."

"Music is the universal language that lets me avoid real conversation."

"Science explains everything except why I'm so underappreciated."

"Art is subjective, which is lucky because most of my work is terrible."

"Nature? I prefer climate-controlled indoor spaces."

"Peace is what you get when everyone stops bothering you."