Family Guy

"Science is just a fancy way of saying 'I don't know.'"

"Art is what you make it, usually a mess."

"Nature is beautiful, but it's also got bugs and dirt."

"Peace of mind is expensive - you usually have to drink for it."

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."

"The truth is like a bad haircut - it grows back eventually."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're not."

"Education is important, but big biceps are importanter."

"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy beer, which is pretty close."

"Success is just failure that hasn't happened yet."

"I've been married so long, my wife thinks I'm a piece of furniture."

"The key to happiness is lowering your expectations."

"Love is like a fart - if you have to force it, it's probably crap."

"I've made more mistakes than most people have had hot dinners."

"Ehehehehe, giggity!"

"You know what they call a Royale with Cheese? No wait, that's not me."

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room... of life."

"Solitude's fine for thinking, but community's fine for living."

"Relationships are the real treasure - everything else is just eggs."

"Inspiration is seeing possibility where others see only problems."

"Motivation is remembering why you started clucking in the first place."

"War ain't never the answer unless the question is really important."

"Politics is annoying, but somebody's gotta do it."

"Literature lets you live a thousand lives without leaving the coop."

"Philosophy is me sitting around thinking about philosophy."

"History's just the future you're too blind to see coming."

"Technology's great, but nothing beats the classics."

"Imagination is what makes life worth living."

"Adventure calls to those who ain't afraid to answer."

"Health means you can actually enjoy your success."