Family Guy

"Solitude is being alone, which is great until you realize you're alone."

"Relationships are like gardens - you gotta tend to 'em or they die."

"Inspiration is just copying someone else's good idea."

"Motivation is what gets you out of bed, usually the need to use the bathroom."

"War is hell, but at least you know where you stand."

"Politics is the art of lying convincingly."

"Literature is what smart people read to feel better about themselves."

"Philosophy is just thinking about stuff with a fancy name for it."

"History repeats itself because nobody was listening the first time."

"Technology is great until it doesn't work, then it's just an expensive paperweight."

"Imagination is what separates us from the animals... and the sober."

"Adventure is just another word for getting lost on purpose."

"Health is a state of mind, or at least that's what I tell myself."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy comfort, which is close enough."

"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely... but it's still pretty fun."

"Fear is just God's way of keeping us humble and stupid."

"Strength is the ability to lift heavy things and not complain about your back."

"Kindness is doing something nice without expecting anything in return, which is stupid."

"Patience is a virtue I ain't got time for."

"Justice is what you get when you can afford a good lawyer."

"Creativity is messing something up and calling it art."

"Gratitude is thanking someone for something you probably didn't deserve anyway."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better PR agent."

"Death is nature's way of saying hello to the other side."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, especially when he's had a few drinks."

"Dreams are what you have when you're asleep and can't help yourself."

"Work is what you do to avoid thinking about your life."

"A good leader is someone people want to follow, or are forced to."

"Faith is believing in something without any proof whatsoever."

"Music soothes the savage breast, or so I've heard."