Family Guy

"True love means finding someone who appreciates your bone structure."

"Nothing beats the feeling of being the most handsome person in the room."

"The secret to success is believing you deserve it, which I do."

"Life is a stage, and I'm the star of the show."

"Solitude is nice, but only if someone's watching."

"Relationships are like interviews - you need good chemistry."

"Inspiration comes from within, and from my general presence."

"Motivation is telling people what they want to hear."

"War is tragic, but it does make for good ratings."

"Politics is about winning hearts, minds, and votes."

"Literature is great, but a good news script is poetry."

"Philosophy is boring - let's talk about me instead."

"History is what we make on the evening news."

"Technology makes us better, but nothing beats charm."

"Imagination helps with the stories I can't verify."

"Adventure is just a news story waiting to happen."

"Health is wealth, which is why I'm rich in both."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy better suits."

"Power corrupts, but I was corrupted before I had power."

"Fear is just an obstacle between you and the anchor desk."

"Strength comes from within, but looks come from expensive cologne."

"Kindness looks good in close-ups, so I practice it on camera."

"Patience is a virtue, but quickness to get the scoop is better."

"Justice is whatever the news cycle decides it is."

"Creativity is just lying convincingly on the news."

"Gratitude is important - thank you for watching me on television."

"Perseverance means keeping your hair perfect through a ten-hour shift."

"Death and taxes are certain, but so is Tom Tucker's ratings."

"Beauty fades, but a great news anchor is forever."

"Humor is the best medicine, unless you need actual medicine, then get a better insurance plan."