SpongeBob SquarePants

"I'm in perfect health, aside from my complete lack of will to live."

"Money makes the world go 'round, and right now it's barely spinning."

"I'm strong enough to handle this alone."

"Kindness is weakness."

"Patience is a virtue I don't possess."

"My dreams don't involve any of you."

"Hard work is overrated."

"I'm not afraid of anything... except SpongeBob."

"Beauty is a curse."

"I can't believe I wasted my time with you people."

"Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss, and I'm very blissful."

"The secret's in the sauce... and I'm not telling."

"I need to find some new friends, preferably ones with jobs and IQs above room temperature."

"SpongeBob, you're the worst thing that ever happened to me."

"Happiness is just a word to me."

"I could show you how to be sophisticated, but you're hopeless."

"Success is overrated anyway."

"Nobody likes me, and that's just fine."

"I'm not insane, I'm just thinking outside the box."

"Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery?"

"I have no soul."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"Art isn't about making money, it's about making a statement... and I need the money."

"I don't need friends, they're expensive."

"That's what I love about these people - they're so stupid."

"I'm not a loser, I'm just surrounded by them."

"I believe in myself and that makes all the difference."

"Wisdom comes from experience and mistakes."

"I love with all my heart."

"Friends are the family we choose."