SpongeBob SquarePants

"Kindness is a sign of weakness I'll never show."

"Patience is the virtue of the trapped and defeated."

"Justice is blind because it can't bear to look at this world."

"Creativity means nothing without an audience that understands."

"Gratitude is for people with pleasant lives."

"I persevere because I have no choice."

"Death is life's greatest achievement."

"Beauty fades, much like my youth."

"Humor is the last refuge of the intelligent and miserable."

"My dreams are nightmares with better ratings."

"I work to live, not live to work... ideally."

"Leadership means being responsible for failures. No thanks."

"Faith without results is just delusion."

"Music is life, and life is suffering."

"Science explains everything except my suffering."

"Nature is a cruel joke, like most things."

"Peace is a myth, unlike my musical talent."

"The best relationships are the ones I can end immediately."

"Inspiration strikes about as often as I'm happy: never."

"Motivation requires a goal worth achieving."

"War between idiots is still just idiots fighting."

"Politics: a game for people without taste."

"Literature is dying, much like my spirit."

"Philosophy and eight dollars gets you a cup of coffee."

"History repeats itself, and it's still boring."

"Technology is ruining everything, including my mood."

"The only imagination worth having is about leaving Bikini Bottom."

"Adventure is just another word for inconvenience."

"Good health means fewer excuses to avoid people."

"Money is the root of all evil, and I don't have enough of it."