The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

"Imagination is for people without real resources."

"Adventure is something you read about in the Times."

"Health is important, especially when you can afford private doctors."

"Money talks, and frankly, I can't hear anyone else."

"Power is the only thing worth having, besides money."

"Fear is what servants feel."

"Strength comes from good breeding and better moisturizer."

"Kindness is important, preferably to people who can help you."

"Patience is a virtue I've never needed to develop."

"Justice is whatever my lawyer says it is."

"Creativity is fine if it results in something you can sell."

"Gratitude is feeling thankful that you weren't born poor."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better PR."

"We don't discuss death at brunch, darling."

"Beauty fades, but a good plastic surgeon is forever."

"Humor is a way to mask deep emotional unavailability."

"Dreams are lovely, but they're no substitute for a trust fund."

"Work is something other people do."

"Leadership is telling people what to do without asking their opinion first."

"Faith is what you have until you need a lawyer."

"Music is fine as long as it's not too loud or ethnic."

"Science is interesting if it helps you look younger."

"Art is an investment strategy with a veneer of culture."

"Nature is beautiful from a climate-controlled room with a view."

"Peace is what I achieve when everyone does what I want."

"Freedom means never having to see people you don't want to see."

"The truth is often found in the fine print of a settlement agreement."

"Time is money, and both are running out."

"Knowledge is power, but money is better."

"Education is fine, but have you tried just being rich?"