Humor Quotes

"I once saw you take a crap for 45 minutes."

"I'm not just a pretty face, I've got a pretty body too."

"Humor is the best medicine, except when actual medicine is needed."

"The D is for Donkey. I don't care, I got an A anyways."

"I don't sweat. I glisten."

"Your attempts to compete with me are adorable."

"You guys are idiots. Complete idiots."

"Charlie, you're illiterate and you smell like garbage."

"You're all beneath me. Every single one of you."

"I'm better than all of you combined."

"You're all embarrassing. Absolutely embarrassing."

"This is what I get for having standards."

"This is absolutely ridiculous."

"You're all just jealous of me."

"Stop being such freaks, all of you."

"I'm actually quite attractive when you think about it."

"I'm not a bird, okay? Stop calling me that."

"Finding humor in dark situations is the only way to survive."

"Stop looking at me like that; I can feel it."

"I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm also not the worst one here."

"I find humor in the darkest places because what else is there?"

"I laugh so I don't cry, and I cry so I know I'm still alive."

"Humor requires intelligence. Your jokes fall flat."

"Humor falls flat when you're the punchline."

"Who pooped the bed?"

"I'm a full-on rapist, I mean... no wait"

"These pretzels are making me thirsty"

"I can't find my crack"

"I'm gonna smash her with a bat"

"I'm a level 5 laser lotus, man"