Humor Quotes

"Vodka. The answer to everything."

"Your incompetence is almost impressive."

"That's despicable. Well done."

"I'm not trying to be funny, I'm just saying what everyone's thinking."

"Every day I wake up and think, 'What fresh hell awaits?'"

"Humor is my defense mechanism against insanity."

"Humor is the best thing that's ever happened to my life."

"The best humor comes from a guy like me doing guy like things."

"Life is too short not to laugh at yourself."

"Humor is healing for the weary soul."

"Humor is the best response to life's absurdities."

"Humor is a defense mechanism against the absurdity of existence."

"Humor is the only acceptable form of despair."

"Phrasing!"

"I don't know what we're yelling about!"

"That's what she said."

"Seriously, why are you like this?"

"Get off the table, you'll stretch it out."

"Can I get that in an IV?"

"I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just succeeding."

"I'm going to start using that as an excuse."

"That's a bit on the nose, isn't it?"

"Get your own."

"You're being dramatic."

"You're being ridiculous again."

"You know what they call a cloning experiment in Paris? A créme de la créme."

"I've cloned myself three times. We don't get along."

"I've been cloning animals since before it was fashionable."

"I've surpassed every ethical guideline ever established."

"I once accidentally created something sentient. It was awkward at meetings."