Humor Quotes

"You're all idiots."

"I'd tell you to go to hell, but I'm sure you're already booked."

"If you're going to be pathetic, at least be consistent about it."

"You're giving me a migraine."

"Your existence is a disappointment to everyone."

"This is the most retarded thing I've ever heard."

"Your stupidity knows no bounds."

"You couldn't find your way out of a paper bag."

"Your failure is my entertainment."

"I'm going to need therapy for this."

"Your incompetence is almost impressive."

"Your presence is physically painful to me."

"This conversation is giving me hives."

"Your attempt at competence is pathetic."

"Your failure brings me joy."

"Your existence is exhausting."

"This is beneath even my low standards."

"Your incompetence never ceases to amaze me."

"I once owned a rental property... for like three days."

"Everything's better when you're in debt!"

"I once had a business plan. It didn't work."

"I've never heard of that place, but I've definitely been there."

"I'm basically a self-made man... who made bad choices."

"I once tried to be responsible. Hated it."

"I'm a man of principle... no principles, but I'm a man."

"I've had many names, not all by choice."

"I'm known for my reliability... at being unreliable."

"The best medicine is laughter and free beer."

"I'm basically a walking advertisement for bad life choices."

"I'm not drunk, I'm just emotionally unstable."