Humor Quotes

"I'm not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. Or a person, really."

"You know what? I'm just going to start drinking."

"I don't know what that means, and at this point I'm afraid to ask."

"That's the least surprising thing I've heard all day."

"I'm going to need a drink. Actually, several drinks."

"I've had worse ideas. Probably."

"What do you want, a medal?"

"That's a mental image I didn't need."

"You know what would make this better? Scotch."

"Lana. Lana. LANA!"

"I'm not saying I'm a genius, but the evidence is pretty compelling."

"I don't have time for your emotional problems."

"You're killing me, Smalls."

"I'm going to regret asking this, but why?"

"You can't kill what's already dead inside."

"Who are you and what have you done with my life?"

"I've seen worse, but not much."

"That's not a compliment, by the way."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"That's barely legal."

"That's not how I remember it."

"I don't know what's worse, your logic or your fashion sense."

"I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned... in a fat way."

"I'm not crying, I'm just leaking from my face."

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one in my imagination."

"Humor is how we cope with the fact that everything is terrible."

"Laughter is the best medicine, except for actual medicine."

"Phrasing! Are we still doing phrasing?"

"That's what she said."

"That was unnecessarily dramatic."