Humor Quotes

"That's the most ridiculous thing ever."

"Breaking news: I'm still the best-looking anchor in television."

"Why be humble when you can be Tom Tucker?"

"Breaking news just in: I'm still incredible."

"I'm calling HR. Oh wait, I'm HR."

"Humor is my defense against a world of idiots."

"If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you."

"Giggity!"

"Laughter is the best medicine, giggity."

"Humor helps us get through tough times, giggity."

"Humor is how we survive the absurdity of existence."

"Humor is how we acknowledge our shared humanity."

"Buck-buck-GAWK! Now that's what I call a good time!"

"Humor is the best way to handle life's rough patches."

"Phrasing!"

"Somehow, and I really cannot stress this enough, this is all your fault."

"This is why we can't have nice things."

"I'm going to die the way I lived: confused and afraid."

"Your incompetence is astounding."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy booze."

"Humor is the best defense against despair."

"Humor is the best medicine for a broken heart."

"Laughter is the best response to life's absurdities."

"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."

"Phrasing!"

"That's what she said. And it was awesome."

"Duh, heroin."

"This is why Mom drinks."

"I'm calling it. This is the worst day ever."

"I'm actually kind of amazing when you think about it."