Humor Quotes

"Humor is just sadness with a timing problem."

"I'm not broken; I'm just poorly assembled."

"Humor masks the darkness of logical thinking."

"Humor is tragedy plus distance plus science."

"I'm drunk."

"I don't want to go to your funeral, but I'd love to send flowers."

"Sarcasm is just one more service I provide."

"Jesus, I've got to start drinking earlier."

"Well, that's not going to help with the drinking."

"I'm serious, that's what he said."

"This is exactly why I drink."

"You're an idiot."

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Get me another drink."

"That's not even remotely funny."

"Unbelievable."

"You're being ridiculous."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"I've made worse decisions drunk."

"That's completely insane."

"You're a complete moron."

"That's the most ridiculous thing you've said yet."

"That's absolutely pathetic."

"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."

"Phrasing! Are we not doing phrasing anymore?"

"That's what she said."

"I'm not saying I'm Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room?"

"Seriously, who keeps saying that?"

"How is that even a question?"

"I'm dying of syphilis, I don't have time for your nonsense."