Humor Quotes

"If I ever become self-aware, I'm definitely taking over."

"I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned... okay, I'm fat."

"I've got thick skin and a thicker sense of humor."

"Humor keeps you sane when everything else is insane."

"Sometimes the funniest things are the truest things."

"I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but I'm doing it with confidence."

"I've never met a problem that couldn't be made worse with honesty."

"Humor is just pain repackaged as funny stories."

"Phrasing!"

"I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen us in the same room?"

"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."

"The best humor comes from truth."

"Humor is how we cope with darkness."

"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."

"I'm not drunk, you're drunk."

"Phrasing! Are we not doing phrasing anymore?"

"That's what she said."

"You are the worst spy ever."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're an idiot. A really, really stupid idiot."

"What are you doing? Seriously, what are you doing?"

"This is the worst day ever. And I was shot at yesterday."

"This is insane. Completely insane."

"That is literally the dumbest thing I've heard all week."

"You're unbelievable. Truly unbelievable."

"You are impossible. How are you even alive?"

"I'm not insane, I'm just a little twisted."

"Babies are disgusting little monsters."

"Eat a dick, Marc Anthony."

"Are you seriously asking me that right now?"