Humor Quotes

"Humor is how I cope with difficult situations."

"I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it."

"Gee, Mom. I don't know. Off the hook."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"That's not a comeback, that's not a comeback at all."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"I'm not a moron. I'm only a case away from having the last name that ends in an 'a'."

"I'd rather be dead."

"I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it."

"I need a stiff drink."

"I'm never getting out of this family alive."

"This is ridiculous."

"I'm always the victim here."

"I'm the only sane one."

"I'm the victim in all of this."

"This family will be the death of me."

"I'm not wearing underwear right now."

"I'm sorry, are you speaking whale?"

"Everything in life is a setup for a punchline."

"The worst part about prison was the... the Dementors."

"What is the sound of one hand clapping? Two hands clapping badly."

"I once turned a woman into a chimpanzee. She was happier."

"I came, I saw, I messed it up."

"I'm not lost; I'm just geographically confused."

"Maybe the real trick was the friends we disappointed along the way."

"I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run."

"Humor is the best medicine for a troubled soul."

"Laughter connects us in profound ways."

"I'm way too cool for this family."

"Humor is the best defense against everything, including myself."