Humor Quotes

"I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run."

"Get rid of the Seaward."

"It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars?"

"That's not funny."

"My apartment smells like sadness and old takeout containers."

"I think I'm going through something really important, or I might just be hungry."

"I'm not lazy, I'm just on a journey of self-discovery."

"I'm afraid I just blue myself."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"They don't allow you to have bees in here."

"Humor is how I survive situations that would otherwise destroy me."

"I use humor to protect myself from things that hurt too much to acknowledge directly."

"I'm afraid I just blue myself."

"I don't want to overstate my suffering, but it's probably very close to what the Jews experienced."

"I'm going to start calling myself 'The Situation.'"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"This is madness."

"You're all driving me insane."

"As if."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars?"

"Well, nobody's going to top that."

"Oh, you're a virgin who can't drive."

"I'll have what she's having."

"You're not a moron. You're only a case study."

"Shut your mouth and drive."

"I've seen better."

"That's pathetic, even for you."

"You're being ridiculous."

"You've got to be kidding me."