Humor Quotes

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"I'm an early bird. I'm a night owl. I'm a night early bird."

"Can I get somebody to just find me a box?"

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

"I'm not drunk. I'm just tired."

"Who's that?"

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying."

"Humor is how we cope with life's difficulties."

"Humor helps you get through the tough times."

"I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run."

"Blah blah blah, something about a feelings."

"Get rid of the seaward to the sea. It smells like low tide and self-respect."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"The chicken is dry. Just like my sense of humor and my vagina."

"Suddenly she's a Buster."

"I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it."

"I'd rather not have a child than have to wear one."

"If I wanted to spend my day arguing with someone, I'd call your father."

"There's nothing I love more than the sound of my own voice."

"I'll kill you all."

"You're killing me, Smalls."

"That takes guts. Or no brains."

"It's not stupidity, it's desperation."

"I need a vodka martini. Actually, just bring me the bottle."

"The alcohol is for closers."

"I don't even know what a queef is, but it sounds very unpleasant."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"I would never say anything to offend you. But if I did, I'd mean it."