Humor Quotes

"That's gold, Jerry! Gold!"

"I'm a ladies man, a man's man."

"I slipped on the blood!"

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round. They should call it Roundtine."

"The jerk store called. They're running out of you."

"I went to the store, I bought some gum. I asked the guy how much was the gum. He said a nickel."

"I'm a master of the nap."

"I once knew a man from Peru."

"Get out!"

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"He's a close-talker, isn't he?"

"He's a close-shaver. Very close."

"I've got a fever and the only cure is more cowbell."

"I'm not a lesbian. I'm just very friendly."

"I can't believe I'm crying over a shoe."

"You're a bad man! A very bad man!"

"Get out of my apartment!"

"This is crazy. You're crazy."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"Humor is the only way to survive this place."

"If I'm not laughing, I'm crying, so I choose to laugh."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Books are useless! I only ever read one book, 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' and it wasn't even good."

"Lazy screwheads."

"Why are you the way that you are?"