Humor Quotes

"I've ruined everything, as usual."

"This is the ultimate humiliation."

"I'm sorry I was ever born."

"This proves I'm an idiot."

"Why does everything fall apart when I touch it?"

"Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way."

"My great-grandfather's butler's son could not have had less to do with it."

"I am excessively diverted."

"It does not follow that I shall never laugh again."

"I dearly love a laugh."

"I'm not interested in caring about things."

"Everything is the worst."

"I would rather eat literally anything else."

"Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I imagine what their skeleton looks like."

"I don't understand anything that's happening."

"That's literally the worst thing I've ever heard."

"I don't trust anyone who hasn't been to Disneyland."

"I have very strong opinions about things that don't matter."

"I'm gonna stay as far away from nature as possible."

"Jerry is an idiot."

"I have zero interest in friendship."

"This is the best day ever and I want to shoot myself."

"I don't believe in anything that's fun."

"I want to go back to bed and I never want to wake up."

"The worst thing that's ever happened happened."

"I'm dead inside."

"Relationships are a waste of time."

"I have perfect taste in music and books and movies and everything."

"Children are disgusting."

"I hate wasting time on things that matter."