Humor Quotes

"I'm Tracy Jordan. I wear my sunglasses at night so things won't get weird."

"Humor is the best medicine. Well, actually medicine is, but humor is second."

"Humor is perspective. My perspective is hilarious."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

"Humor is often used as an excuse for inappropriate behavior."

"I'm ovulating!"

"I'm basically a genius."

"I'm not a serial killer, but I understand the appeal."

"Why would anyone ever eat anything other than breakfast food?"

"Everything hurts and I'm dying."

"April is like a human form of a migraine."

"Dreams are the worst."

"Rules are made to be followed, usually."

"If you ever think I'm being too nice, just tell me and I'll dial it back a notch."

"I have an irrational fear of losing my teeth."

"I don't make mistakes. I just have unexpected learning opportunities."

"Waffles are the answer."

"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"I'll be honest with you - I'm kind of a big deal."

"I believe in being honest, authentic, and humble. Just kidding - I believe in being amazing."

"I'm not arrogant, I'm just right."

"Humor is the best medicine, unless you have a real disease."

"My heart is literally in the right place, because it's in my chest, and my chest is literally my heart."

"If you have to explain the joke, it's not funny."

"Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are useless."

"I will come back to haunt you and slit your throat in the dark of the night."

"I do not support women, children, or flowers."

"I would like to formally propose that we rename the Parks Department to the Department of Doing Whatever the Hell I Want."