Humor Quotes

"A source of endless confusion for me is why women are allowed to be in the workforce."

"Revenge is a dish best served cold, with mashed potatoes."

"Vegetarians are a scourge."

"I've been avoiding you for weeks."

"I would rather suffer through a hundred bad arguments than sit through one meeting."

"Mustaches are gender neutral."

"I'm not a role model. I'm a cautionary tale in Louboutins."

"I don't have time for your problems. I have my own problems to ignore."

"I'm too busy being fabulous to deal with drama."

"Nature is beautiful, but have you seen a good foundation?"

"Science says I'm right, but I would know that anyway."

"Humor is my defense mechanism against a tragic reality."

"Justice is whatever benefits me at the moment."

"Technology is wonderful until it makes you look fat."

"War is hell, but so is a bad hair day."

"Humor is the best medicine, except for actual medicine."

"I'm Tracy Jordan. You might know me from such films as 'Who Dat Ninja?' and 'The Licioius Sausage.'"

"Humor is the best medicine. Except for actual medicine."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"The only thing worse than failure is failing with style."

"I respect anyone who can look me in the eye and lie convincingly."

"I'm a night owl and a morning person."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy waffles."

"Laughter is the best medicine for the soul."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"The eyes are the groin of the head."

"Dwight is a sith lord. There's no other explanation."

"I find most people exhausting and inadequate."

"Children should be seen and not heard. Preferably not seen."

"I don't understand why everyone can't be more like me."