Humor Quotes

"Everyone loves me. It's my cross to bear."

"I live my life by a simple code: be fabulous."

"The secret to success is confidence and a good dermatologist."

"Life is short. Eat dessert first."

"Patience is not one of my virtues."

"History is written by the winners, and I always win."

"Philosophy is cool, but making money is cooler."

"I'm a monument to excess."

"Beauty fades, but being fabulous is forever."

"Nature is beautiful, but so am I."

"Science proves that I'm fabulous."

"Humor is how I cope with life."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going."

"False. Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica."

"Making people laugh is one of the best feelings."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"Humor is the best medicine, unless you have a bacterial infection."

"Laughter is the best medicine, followed by actual medicine."

"I've learned that humor is just truth with good timing."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"Every woman is insane, but only once a month."

"Blerg! What does that even mean?"

"Food is my best friend."

"I don't know what I'm doing half the time."

"Why are men so complicated?"

"Sometimes you just need to laugh at yourself."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."