Humor Quotes

"Sometimes I drink wine and pretend to know what I'm talking about."

"That's what she said."

"That's kind of funny, actually."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

"That's what she said."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you can sell it."

"I find humor in other people's misfortune."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!"

"The worst thing about prison would be the dementors."

"I'm not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower sometimes."

"Fact: bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica."

"I'm not crying, I'm just sweating through my eyes."

"Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"Beets, bears, Halpert."

"That's what she said. That's what who said? Michael."

"I would kill anyone in this room for a klondike bar."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going."

"I'm half-black. My mother was a beet."

"Assistant Regional Manager is basically the same as Regional Manager."

"I have given myself a raise and a medal."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Actually, I have no idea."

"False. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim."

"That's what she said."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going."