Humor Quotes

"Humor is the best medicine."

"I'm fine, really."

"Sometimes you just have to laugh."

"I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

"Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."

"False. Black bear."

"I am not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"I am Beyoncé, always."

"I have nothing to say to you, Jim."

"Gratitude is a sign of weakness and I will not show it."

"Kindness is for weak people."

"I do not smoke marijuana. I smoke beet smoke."

"I do not trust people who do not like beets."

"I am not like other people. I am better."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"False. Black bear."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"Adults are basically just kids in larger bodies."

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Oh. My. God."

"How you doin'?"

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Could I BE any more fabulous?"

"I don't think I'm smart enough to understand that."

"I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms."

"I'm not perfect, but I'm close. Very close."