Humor Quotes

"Sometimes you need to laugh to keep from crying."

"Humor is how we survive difficult times."

"Humor heals."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"The worst thing about prison would be the dementors."

"I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!"

"I'm like Forrest Gump, except I'm not an idiot."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"I'm not superstitious. But I am a little sus."

"Trying is the first step toward failure."

"I'm the fastest reader. You can read fast, but I'm faster."

"I think that laughter is the best medicine."

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"I'm not listening to this. My brain is closed for repairs."

"I've always believed that sarcasm was the lowest form of wit."

"I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm pretty close."

"Humor is my defense mechanism."

"Could I be any more sarcastic if I tried? Probably not."

"Oh my God, a vegetarian! And he's funny!"

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Regina Phalange? That's a good name."

"How come you don't have a cup holder in your car?"

"I can't feel my legs! I've lost all sensation!"

"This is not a good hat."

"You know what? I think there's a very strong possibility that I'm gonna get hit by a car in the next thirty seconds."

"I'm very delicate. I have sensitive skin."

"I think I should go live in a cave."

"That doesn't make any sense."