Humor Quotes

"There's no such thing as too much pizza."

"Humor is the universal language of friendship."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"That's what she said."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"I declare bankruptcy!"

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going."

"You know what, I'm going to get myself a gun."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"I'm not insecure at all."

"I'm not a real man because I have a dog."

"Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes."

"I'm not superstitious. I'm a little bit stitious."

"I'm the World's Best Boss."

"I run away from my problems and it's worked out great."

"The worst thing about prison would be the dementors."

"I'm going to eat half a pound of chocolate."

"That's what she said is not that funny anymore."

"I'm allergic to the sun."

"I'm an excellent driver."

"I'm a brilliant employee."

"That's inappropriate."

"I'm completely sober."

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Oh. My. God."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"I'm going to go have some soup."

"That's so fetch. Oh wait, we're trying to make that happen."

"Laughter is the best medicine."