Humor Quotes

"Coffee is a food group, right? It has to be."

"I don't do well with silence. It makes me think."

"People who say money can't buy happiness simply haven't found the right shopping mall yet."

"I run on coffee and anxiety - I'm basically a functional disaster."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy excellent coffee."

"Patience is a virtue I will never possess, and I'm okay with that."

"Laughter is the best medicine, even when everything else fails."

"Humor helps us cope with life's difficulties."

"Humor is a survival mechanism. Learn to laugh or learn to cry."

"Laughter is the best medicine we have."

"Legendary!"

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"I know karate. Well, no. But I watched a karate video once."

"You know what the chain of command is around here? It's the chain I go get to beat you with until you realize how awesome I am."

"I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"I'm a gentleman. Well, sort of."

"That's ridiculous. I would never say something like that."

"I'm not drinking alone. The TV is on."

"I believe in love at first sight. I also believe in magic. But I don't believe in you."

"I'm going to make this simple for you: I'm awesome. You're not. That's the difference."

"I'm a lover and a fighter. Mostly a lover though."

"I'm not just a pretty face. I'm also an awesome personality."

"I don't have regrets. Just stories I prefer not to tell."

"I'm going to be honest with you. I'm kind of a big deal."

"Laughter is the best medicine for a broken heart."

"Humor is how we cope with life's hardships."

"Humor is a survival mechanism in high-stress environments."

"Humor is acceptable only when used with proper judgment."

"Humor, like everything, must meet certain standards."