Humor Quotes

"The gods have a sense of irony."

"I can't feel my legs, sir. I'm pretty sure I'm dead."

"Talking to a therapist? What's next, you gonna join the Girl Scouts?"

"I'm like the Godfather, except with panic attacks."

"I'm not as bad as all that. I'm much worse."

"I have many things to thank you for. None of them pleasant."

"I want to help. I'm very good at helping myself."

"The world is full of clever people. What do you need me for?"

"I'm not smart enough to be wrong all the time."

"Those who say they aren't drinking are usually lying."

"I've been wrong before, but not often."

"I would never subject myself to something so unpleasant as dying."

"I'm a man of wisdom and wit."

"Humor masks the darkness within."

"Humor helps me cope with the dangers."

"Humor helps us survive difficult times."

"What, you think I'm some kind of hardened criminal mastermind?"

"Humor helps you survive difficult times."

"Humor gets us through the worst times."

"Sometimes humor is the only way to cope."

"I have learned to appreciate human humor."

"Humor often masks profound truths."

"Laughter is important too."

"Find humor even in dark times."

"Humor is the last refuge of those who refuse to break."

"Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this."

"You break my balls, you know that?"

"I use humor to cope with the heavy stuff. Laughter keeps you sane."

"I am fascinated by human humor, though I do not always understand it."

"Wow, it's so weird. You've been busy, huh?"