Humor Quotes

"My brain is tired."

"Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing."

"Humor is the best medicine—except for bee venom."

"Humor is my greatest weapon against a sad world."

"Ha-ha!"

"Your tears of unfathomable sadness!"

"I laugh at your pain, man. I laugh at it."

"Being mean is easy and feels great!"

"I thrive on the misery of others."

"The following program contains scenes of graphic nudity and violence. Viewer discretion is advised."

"Folks, we've just received word that nothing has happened."

"In other news, things continue to occur."

"Our top story tonight: Springfield continues to exist."

"I report, you decide—but preferably in my favor."

"I've made mistakes, but never where the camera could see."

"I fear nothing but a bad hair day."

"I've discovered that laughter is the best response to tragedy."

"Humor helps us cope with the darkness of the news."

"Och, ye cannae teach an old dog new tricks, but ye can teach him tae drink more whisky!"

"There's always room for a wee bit of humor, even in the toughest situations."

"A man who cannae laugh at himself is takin' life too seriously."

"Humor is just tragedy with better timing."

"Humor is defense against reality."

"Humor is the best medicine, unless the cure is actually rat poison."

"Humor helps pass the time, particularly dark humor about my situation."

"Humor is a tool for maintaining workplace morale and hierarchy."

"Laughter shared in the office bonds us together."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"You're under arrest for being awesome."

"I've come to make an arrest... of bad guys."