Humor Quotes

"The only thing better than surfing is the actual taste of surfing."

"I wet my pants again."

"Ha-ha!"

"Humor is just cruelty with a laugh track."

"You'll never be cool enough to sit with me."

"Life's a joke and you're the punchline."

"Dorks and nerds make the best targets."

"Your pain is my entertainment."

"Humor is a tool, like my smile."

"Humor is the spice of life, just like it is in my news delivery."

"Och, a little humor helps ye get through the day."

"Humor helps us face the harsh truths of existence."

"You gotta laugh or you'll cry."

"Humor's how you survive the tough times."

"Woo-hoo!"

"Barney's my name, drinking's my game."

"Why be serious when you can be hilarious?"

"The only thing I'm addicted to is a good time. And alcohol. But mainly the good time."

"I've failed at everything except being entertaining."

"The only ladder I've been able to climb is the one to higher shelves at the bar."

"Self-improvement starts tomorrow, probably never."

"The best things in life are free, especially if you steal them."

"I used to have ambitions, then I discovered beer."

"I'm not lazy, I'm just saving my energy for important things."

"I'm the only guy who can turn a good situation into a bad one instantly."

"I'm not lost, I'm just exploring alternative paths to failure."

"I've got all the friends I need, they all come in bottles."

"I used to have standards, but they were too heavy to carry around."

"At least I'm consistent in my inconsistency."

"I've touched rock bottom and rebounded like a beach ball."